Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
