seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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