Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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