Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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