omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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