I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
