Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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