@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
