someone threw a dead crab at me
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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