I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
babies were throwing up all over the place
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
