It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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