She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm like, not good at living.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
