I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
