You work out of a Hotel?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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