I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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