I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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