Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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