ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
