Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
