he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
