Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
