My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
