two words: eviction party
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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