You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
everyone is single if you try hard enough
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
