Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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