why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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