you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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