Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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