jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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