Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
