just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
