Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She bit a glass in half.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
