i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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