I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
