it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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