hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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