Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
