Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
