I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
