im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
its not stalking. its research.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
