just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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