ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
