I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
