I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
