i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
