I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
