Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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