You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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