I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I enjoy the company of your penis
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
