My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
