Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
