Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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