You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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