So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
