I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
her facebook's as public as her vagina
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
