I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
