I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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