We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The adults are the big ones right?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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