Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
