a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
