my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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