hotel room ftw
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
