I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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