Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
