Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
