You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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