He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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