I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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