After last night, I could never be a politician.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
