how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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